De: Jules Bonds
Pour tous ceux qui souffrent de fibromyalgie, il y a tellement de symptômes différents qui peuvent affecter votre vie. Pour moi, le manque de sommeil est mon ennemi numéro un. Je peux être si fatigué pendant la journée, dévisager aveuglément devant un écran d’ordinateur ou incapable de rester concentrée sur mon retour du travail, quand je me couche réellement la nuit, mes yeux sont éveillés et mon cerveau passe à la vitesse supérieure. Je jette et tourne comme un poisson hors de l’eau, essayant de trouver un endroit confortable. Même avec un nouveau matelas, il y a des nuits où j’ai l’impression de dormir sur un lit de roches. Mon dos me fait mal, même si je dors avec deux oreillers sous mes genoux pour garder ma colonne vertébrale dans une position neutre. Mon cou et mes épaules sont noués, même si je dors sur un oreiller orthopédique. Que Dieu me garde de rouler et de dormir de mon côté. J’ai l’impression d’avoir des aiguilles dans mes hanches. Ils palpitent et se raidissent et certains jours, les os ont l’impression qu’ils vont percer la chair. Et n’oublions pas mes pieds, car ils souffrent aussi.
On pourrait penser que j’ai passé la nuit à lutter avec des gladiateurs comme je me réveille. Je suis groggy, grincheux, raide, les muscles avec ça “alourdis” comme si je traînais des sacs de sable et quelques matins, je me réveille avec un mal de tête. Excellente façon de commencer la journée, vous ne pensez pas?
Ensuite, pour ajouter l’insulte à la blessure, j’entends constamment les gens me dire que j’ai l’air fatigué. Oh, voici mon préféré: “Tu as l’air délicate aujourd’hui.” Délicat? Mais qu’est-ce que ça veut dire, bordel! Bien sûr, j’ai l’air fatigué. Je suis fatigue. Je pense qu’il est difficile pour les gens de comprendre comment je pourrais aller me coucher à 22 heures, me réveiller à 6 heures du matin et être encore endormi. Pourquoi, c’est huit heures entières! Je devrais être reposé, détendu et prêt à partir! Ce qu’ils ne comprennent pas, c’est un sommeil profond. C’est le sommeil qui restaure et répare votre corps; le sommeil qui vous donne l’énergie pour commencer un nouveau jour; le sommeil dont j’ai désespérément besoin mais que je ne peux pas obtenir! Ce n’est que lorsque j’ai commencé à suivre mon sommeil avec un Fit Fit que j’ai vraiment vu à quel point j’avais peu de sommeil profond. À l’heure actuelle, en moyenne, je profite de deux heures et demie à trois heures de sommeil profond. Alors dites-moi, Si vous ne dormez que deux heures et demie à trois heures par nuit pendant des mois et des mois, n’auriez-vous pas l’air fatigué? Ne vous sentiriez-vous pas fatigué, aussi?
J’aimerais pouvoir être honnête avec toutes les personnes qui me demandent «Comment allez-vous aujourd’hui?» Et leur donner la réponse dont ils ont besoin: «Je suis fatigué. Oui encore. Je n’ai pas bien dormi. Je suis fatigué. Je cours sur vide. Mais gee, merci de demander! “La plupart du temps, cependant, je trouve qu’il est plus facile de simplement dire” Je vais bien “et continuer. Je réserve ma vraie réponse aux quelques personnes que je sens réellement soucieuses de ma réponse. Ils ne demandent pas seulement parce que c’est poli. Je peux le voir dans leurs yeux. Ils veulent vraiment savoir. Pour ces quelques-uns, je vous remercie. Il n’est certainement pas facile de partager des sentiments intimes et difficiles avec quelqu’un, surtout quand on se demande s’ils vous croient ou s’ils pensent que vous êtes juste une grande et grosse reine du drame, cherchant l’attention. C’est encore plus difficile quand il est difficile d’articuler vos mots parce que, par manque de sommeil, les mots dans votre cerveau se sentent comme ils doivent passer par des obstacles d’athlétisme juste pour sortir de votre bouche. C’est une autre raison pour laquelle, parfois, c’est plus facile de rester tranquille.
Je suppose que ce que je veux que les gens sans fibromyalgie ou problèmes de sommeil à comprendre, c’est ceci: Ne supposez pas que je passe une bonne nuit de sommeil. Ne supposez pas que je suis paresseux parce que je dors pendant deux heures après être rentré à la maison de quatre heures. Je suis fatigué, dans le vrai sens du terme. Je ne fais pas semblant. Je ne suis pas dramatique. J’ai une condition d’honnêteté et de bonté qui a un grave impact sur ma capacité à dormir profondément tous les soirs. Certains jours, mon épuisement et ma frustration sont si mauvais que j’ai envie de pleurer ou de rire comme une folle. Il n’y a pas d’herbe magique qui va remédier à mon problème. Un congé de deux semaines ne fera pas disparaître ma fibromyalgie par magie. C’est ma nouvelle réalité. S’il te plaît, ne me juge pas ou ne me fais pas me sentir plus mal que je ne le pense déjà.
Alors, à tous mes camarades fibro qui s’occupent des luttes pour passer une bonne nuit … Je connais votre douleur. Je connais votre frustration. S’il vous plaît, accrochez-vous! Je vous souhaite à tous autant de bonnes nuits que possible.
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