Jeg kan ikke være den “perfekte husmoren” med fibromyalgi, og det er greit.

Jeg må innrømme at jeg var et ganske uvanlig barn. Jeg vokste opp med å se matlagingsprogrammer, Martha Stewart og “I Love Lucy.” Jeg drømte om å være den ideelle husmor fra femtiårene med et upåklagelig hus. (Jeg vet, ring meg gammeldags, men jeg fant det morsomt). En dag fant jeg meg selv å gjøre det detaljerte håndverket som Martha Stewart fant tid på. Jeg har forestilt meg å lage gourmetmat, hjemmelaget brød, ferskt smør og fortsatt ha tid til å sy, lage håndverk, rense og dyrke en hage. Jeg drømte at det en dag ville være, vel, perfekt.

Da jeg endelig hadde min store drøm, planla jeg alle måtene jeg ville bruke min tid som husmor. Jeg skulle holde huset mitt uklanderlig, lage mat hver kveld og jobbe med morsomme håndverk på fritiden. Til slutt skulle jeg ha tid til å gjøre alle de morsomme prosjektene jeg hadde drømt om. Jeg skulle gjøre huset vårt hjemme, og jeg var begeistret!

Men det var ikke som jeg hadde planlagt. (Og ærlig, jeg har lagt merke til at det er greit!)

Omtrent ett år etter at jeg ble gift, oppdaget jeg at jeg hadde fibromyalgi. Jeg hadde slått på tretthet og smerte som holdt meg i å gjøre de fleste av de tingene jeg hadde planlagt. Jeg fant meg selv å tilbringe de fleste dagene på sofaen min og så på TV og drømte om alle prosjektene jeg ønsket å gjøre.

I mine veldig gode dager presset jeg meg selv over mine grenser og prøvde å gjøre alle tingene på listen min. Igjen og igjen prøvde jeg for hardt og endte opp med mye smerte å gjøre noe i uker. Jeg var så frustrert at uansett hvor hardt jeg prøvde, ble kroppen min overgitt.

Det er ikke lett å akseptere at kroppen min ikke har styrke og energi til å følge mine idealer. Jeg tilbrakte måneder med å være skyldig, lat og ubrukelig. Frustrasjonen til å skuffe meg var nok det største hinderet jeg måtte overvinne.

Svært ofte diskuterer de i kroniske sykdomssamfunn vanskeligheter og frustrasjoner av andres respons på sykdommen vår. Men vi kjemper mer enn forventningene til andre. Noen dager må vi kjempe mot oss.


Delta i fibromyalgi 
Om fibromyalgi 
Lev med fibromyalgi: hva er neste?

Jeg skjønte endelig at jeg må ta et skritt tilbake og finne ut hva som virkelig betyr noe. Min mann forsikret meg igjen og igjen at jeg var for vanskelig på meg selv, men det tok meg lang tid å innse at han hadde rett. Han bryr seg ikke om huset vårt er upåklagelig; han bryr seg ikke om vi har fastmat noen netter; Han bryr seg ikke om at noen dager får alt han kommer ut av sengen. Mine venner kommer ikke inn i huset mitt, og de dømmer meg fordi det ikke er så rent som jeg tror det burde være. Mesteparten av tiden merker mine venner og familie ikke en gang på tingene som jeg synes er mine mest frustrerende feil.

Ærlig talt måtte jeg innse at jeg kan gå av kroken. Jeg trenger ikke å være Martha Stewart. Jeg trenger ikke å ha alt i livet mitt for å være perfekt. Noen ganger må vi bare bremse og nyte livets skjønnhet, selv i kaos.

Mitt liv er ikke perfekt. Og det er bra med det

116 thoughts on “Jeg kan ikke være den “perfekte husmoren” med fibromyalgi, og det er greit.

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