Jag kan inte vara den “perfekta hemmafru” med fibromyalgi, och det är bra.

Jag måste erkänna att jag var ett ganska ovanligt barn. Jag växte upp och tittade på matlagningsshow, Martha Stewart och “I Love Lucy.” Jag drömde om att vara den ideala hemmafru på femtiotalet med ett oklanderligt hus. (Jag vet, ring mig gammaldags, men jag tyckte det var roligt). En dag föreställde jag mig själv att göra detaljerade hantverk för vilka Martha Stewart hittade tid. Jag föreställde mig att laga gourmetmat, hemlagad bröd, färskt smör och fortfarande ha tid att sy, göra hantverk, städa och odla en trädgård. Jag drömde att det en dag skulle bli bra, perfekt.

När jag äntligen hade min stora dröm planerade jag alla sätt som jag skulle använda min tid som hemmafru. Jag skulle hålla mitt hus oklanderligt, laga middag varje kväll och arbeta på roliga hantverk under min fritid. Äntligen skulle jag ha tid att göra alla de roliga projekten jag hade drömt om. Jag skulle göra vårt hus ett hem, och jag var glad över det!

Men det var inte som jag hade planerat. (Och ärligt talat, jag har märkt att det är bra!)

Cirka ett år efter att jag blev gift upptäckte jag att jag hade fibromyalgi. Jag hade kämpat utmattning och smärta som hindrade mig från att göra de flesta saker jag hade planerat. Jag befann mig att spendera de flesta dagarna som låg på min soffa och tittade på tv och drömde om alla projekt jag ville göra.

Under mina riktiga dagar pressade jag mig själv bortom mina gränser och försökte göra alla saker på min lista. Åter och försökte jag för hårt och hamnade i mycket smärta för att göra någonting i veckor. Jag var så frustrerad att oavsett hur svårt jag försökte, fortsatte min kropp övergiven.

Det är inte lätt att acceptera att min kropp inte har styrka och energi att följa mina idealer. Jag spenderade månader känner sig skyldig, lat och värdelös. Frustrationen att göra mig besviken var förmodligen det största hindret jag hade att övervinna.

Ofta diskuterar de i den kroniska sjukdomsgemenskapen svårigheterna och frustrationerna hos andras svar på vår sjukdom. Men vi kämpar mer än förväntningarna hos andra. Vissa dagar måste vi slåss mot oss.

Resurser för den nationella sammanslutningen av fibromialgi

Delta i fibromyalgi 
Om fibromyalgi 
Lever med fibromyalgi: vad är nästa?

Jag insåg äntligen att jag måste ta ett steg tillbaka och ta reda på vad som verkligen betyder. Min man försäkrade mig om och om igen att jag var för svår på mig själv, men det tog mig lång tid att inse att han hade rätt. Han bryr sig inte om vårt hus är oklanderligt; Han bryr sig inte om vi har snabbmat några nätter; han bryr sig inte om att några dagar får allt att gå ut ur sängen. Mina vänner kommer inte in i mitt hus och dom domar mig för att det inte är så rent som jag tycker att det borde vara. För det mesta märker mina vänner och familj inte ens de saker som jag tycker är min mest frustrerande fel.

Ärligt talat var jag tvungen att inse att jag kan komma ur kroken. Jag behöver inte vara Martha Stewart. Jag behöver inte ha allt i mitt liv för att vara perfekt. Ibland måste vi sakta ner och njuta av livets skönhet, även i kaos.

Mitt liv är inte perfekt. Och jag mår bra med det

125 thoughts on “Jag kan inte vara den “perfekta hemmafru” med fibromyalgi, och det är bra.

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