Hartverscheurende brief van een Bristol vrouw die lijdt aan slopende ziekte fibromyalgie

Wat gebeurt er als je leven begint te ontrafelen?

Voor de 23-jarige Peyton Connor, dat afgelopen mei gebeurde toen ze werd gediagnosticeerd met fibromyalgie.

De langdurige chronische aandoening kan leiden tot verhoogde gevoeligheid voor pijn, extreme vermoeidheid, slaapproblemen en geheugenverlies.

Na instorten op het werk aan het einde van 2015 een aantal tests bleek ze had de aandoening, die haar leven compleet veranderd.

De  aandoening  kan verlamde, kan ertoe leiden dat mensen vallen in een isolement. Sommige patiënten verliezen hun sociale leven helemaal.

Hier, Peyton  pennen  een hartverscheurende brief aan die het dichtst bij haar.

afbeelding resultaat

Een Brief aan mijn dierbaren (What I Wish You Knew)

Lieve familie, beste vrienden,

In de eerste plaats, dan kunt u weet hoeveel ik van je hou. Ik ben zo dankbaar dat u rond hebt vast te zitten en zette met mij en alle gekte die me heeft omringd sinds ik slecht heb.

Ik kon het niet hebben gekregen door de slopende diagnosestadium, en door alle ongeloof van degenen die dacht niet dat ik ziek was, zonder uw steun.

Terwijl ik bewezen hun ongelijk, je hebt geen idee hoeveel ik wou dat ze hadden gelijk – dat er niets mis was, en het was allemaal doen geloven.

Ik wou dat ik in woorden hoe oprecht hart gebroken ben ik kon zetten.

Tenzij je in mijn schoenen bent geweest, kun je niet begrijpen hoe pijnlijk het is om te  zien  zo veel mogelijkheden van je af gerukt, zo veel dromen gegaan, voordat je zelfs de kans om te grijpen naar hen.

Het is een  pijn  die zowel mentaal als fysiek – een pijn in mijn hoofd en in mijn hart.

Het leven gooit deze dingen bij ons voor een reden, en we moeten een manier vinden om het te overleven te vinden, maar dat maakt het niet gemakkelijk om te doen.

Wij passen ons aan aan de situatie dat we in, want we moeten. Het is de enige keuze die we hebben, om door te gaan.

Ik ben niet alleen hart gebroken, ik ben boos. Wie zou dat niet zijn?

We vragen ons af waarom ons is, waarom me, maar er zijn geen antwoorden op die vragen.

Denk na over hen te lang en je zult gek. Het maakt niet beginnen als een heldere vurige soort boosheid, maar in plaats daarvan smeult.

Genoeg dat je niet het gevoel dat het op het eerste. Maar dan voegt het een laag. En een ander. En een ander. Totdat alles is vergeven haat.

Deze ziekte is als een dief, maar het is een slimme dief. Deze dief weet beter dan om binnen te komen en stelen alles in een klap.

Dat zou te makkelijk, te opvallend zijn, en het dan te vroeg zou zijn.

In plaats daarvan, deze bijzondere dief is voorzichtig. Hij verstopt zich in de schaduw, het nemen van dingen een voor een, zodat je in eerste instantie niet eens merken.

Je borstel het af met een schouderophalen als je merkt het schudden opstarten willekeurig. U negeert dat knarsen van de pijn die altijd op dezelfde plaats en lijkt niet te verschuiven.

Je lacht uit het geheugen verlies, en u bedekken met het feit dat je met ongevallen – grappen over het houden van uw benen gekruist als u hoest in de toekomst. Je door blijven gaan.

En omdat je door blijven gaan, duw je door alle demonen te trekken naar je, mensen denken dat je goed bent. U bevestigen dit geloof door hen opnieuw te vertellen, ja inderdaad, je bent prima.

Wanneer zij hun bezorgdheid uiten je ze vertelt overtuigend aan dat het is gewoon een koude, een vleugje griep, die tijd van de maand. Je ligt voor het. Want in het leven wordt ons geleerd alleen hoe om te blijven bewegen naar voren.

En als je merkt dat je geloven dat de leugen, dan en alleen dan is wanneer de dief zal toeslaan.

Hij zal verzamelen alle van zijn collectie, samen met een paar nieuwe dingen die hij heeft gevonden rondslingeren je lichaam, en hij zal vertrekken. Hij zal zeker een paar draden los te koppelen, en kort lontje een paar stopcontacten in je hoofd voordat hij gaat.

En dat is wanneer de werkelijkheid raakt u. Alles in één keer, je bent niet de persoon die je gebruikt te worden, en wie je nu bent is een vreemde voor u.

Komende oog in oog met een bedrieger in je hersenen, na 23 jaar van eenzaamheid, van de controle … is angstaanjagend.

Het is ingebakken in je om deze bedrieger te bestrijden. We willen niet dat de vreemden de controle. Maar ze zijn veel sterker dan wij.

We proberen de bedrieger te vechten, om hen medicijnen tot onderwerping, om hen uit hun positie te praten. We proberen te denken positief, we oefenen, en dieet, en delen van onszelf te veranderen in de hoop van  het besturen van  de bedrieger uit ons hoofd … maar de grap is op ons.

Deze veranderingen zijn slechts zijn subtiele manier om een nog  steviger  greep op ons. We speelden in zijn handen.

Dus, wat is meer voor ons te doen, behalve aan te passen, de regels deze bedrieger, deze dief, heeft noodzakelijk gemaakt te accepteren en aan te passen aan die voorwaarden.

We veranderen ons hele leven, we hebben allemaal onze gewoontes te veranderen, en we kussen afscheid van dromen die we van jongs af aan hebben gehad. We accepteren dat het niet was bedoeld om te worden.

Dus, alles wat overblijft, is om te vragen van jullie, mijn geliefden, vrienden … om dit te accepteren. Accepteer dat wat wij doen is niet uit vrije keuze, maar meer omdat we hadden geen keuze gelaten om te maken.

Accepteer dat we zijn niet zwak, maar gewoon gebruikt up van al onze kracht.

Accepteer dat we zijn niet lui, maar moe.

En accepteren dat we niet meer dan u wilt deze veranderingen.

Maar zoals de geschiedenis laat zien, zijn we gebouwd aan te passen. Dat deden we.

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