Fibromyalgi dreper meg sakte. Ta del av meg, min styrke, min stolthet og min sjel.
Diagnosen fibromyalgi er dødsstraff, så det var en gang et normalt liv. Jeg har bodd med det i syv år og jeg har ikke ferdig med det jeg hadde planlagt, jeg burde forberede meg nå for å studere i utlandet i et år. Jeg burde snakke flytende på et annet språk. Etter å ha overnattet med venner, burde jeg ha en bakrus hver søndag, i stedet, jeg holder meg i seng hele dagen, hver dag. Eller jeg blir på sofaen. Jeg går til andres hus og ligger på sengen eller på hans sofa. Fibromyalgi er en sverget, sjalu fiende.
Han er alltid der for å prøve å beseire meg. Det er som skurken i en gammel, stille film. I stedet for offentligheten å vite at skurken er der og hovedpersonen ikke skjønner, i dette tilfellet er jeg den eneste som kan se den og publikum er blind.
Det er som om min fysiske og følelsesmessige styrke besto av små eksplosjoner. Hvert uhell tar deg bort fra deg. Jeg vet ikke hvor lenge det vil ta før alt i meg faller sammen. Fibromyalgi har eliminert grunnlaget, som jeg har bygget i over tjue år og har levd hele mitt liv. Jeg føler meg som et Jenga-spill , hver gang Fibromyalgi slår meg , skal jeg ta et skritt til å falle til bakken. Kanskje jeg allerede krasjet og traff. Kanskje jeg er i bakgrunnen. Hvis jeg ikke visste hva denne tilstanden var som, ville jeg si at det sannsynligvis er der. Det er det laveste jeg tror det kan være. Jeg kunne føle den mest intense smerten jeg har hatt, og min fibromyalgi anser det som en utfordring fordi jeg vet at det blir verre neste gang. Noen utbrudd er bedre enn andre, men de tester min fysiske og følelsesmessige styrke mer enn jeg kunne ha forestilt meg før. Fibromyalgi er ikke en fantasisk unnskyldning, jeg ville aldri ha valgt dette livet for meg selv, og hvis jeg hadde muligheten til å kvitte seg med demonen som støtter meg, ville jeg gjøre det uten å nøle. Det er livet mitt Det er ekte Dette er meg, jeg er og vil være med meg på hvert øyeblikk av dagen, for resten av livet mitt. Djevelen hvisket i øret mitt i går: “Du er ikke sterk nok til å motstå stormen.” I dag hvisket jeg i djevelens øre: “Jeg er stormen” . Jeg er en kriger av fibromyalgi. jessica stredd pudicombe
Også, det er netter som dette, der jeg føler meg fortapt. Mistet i følelsene, i tankene, i smerte og i hva som kommer. Vi forstår helt opp og ned av våre følelser, glad i et øyeblikk, så sint, så trist, så nervøst, så etc., etc. Det er en berg-og dalbane av opp og nedturer. Legg til andre kroniske sykdommer og det er helvete! Mann, kvinne, byrden av kroniske sykdommer gjør vår verden faller. Noen ganger føler vi at ting er under kontroll. Vi har inngått en avtale med vår virkelighet, vi vet at ting aldri vil bli som før, og vi tilpasser og lærer å leve med det livet vårt har blitt. Men noen ganger, virkeligheten av det som kommer, åpner og triumferer over våre liv. Vi vet at vårt liv, som vi visste det, aldri vil bli det samme igjen.
Livet vi en gang likte, er blitt ødelagt av denne perverse kraften som dikterer hva vi gjør og hva vi ikke kan gjøre. Det er gode og dårlige dager, oppturer og nedturer, oppturer og nedturer. Vi pleide å se og planlegge fremtiden, eller leve i nåtiden med de vi elsker. Nå, hva består det av? Ingen måte! Planene vi har laget med venner, vel, kanskje det er en annen gang. Festet med vår familie, vel, vil gi min hilsen. Å lage planer er som et hvilket som helst spill på messen, det er uforutsigbart. Vi ønsker mer enn noe å være en del av alle planene som er utviklet, men vi kan ikke garantere noe, vi vil virkelig være med i hva våre familier gjør. Vi ønsker å kunne lage planer og følge dem. Vi ønsker å jobbe, vi ønsker å forlate, vi ønsker å være en del av verden der vi en gang var involvert. Noen ganger må vi si nei,
Vi kan si nei, ikke i dag. Andre ganger vil vi si ja, vi vil fortsette med planene, vi prøver å være en del av livet, for i det minste kan vi late som om det var morsomt, det var flott å forlate det. Men imorgen kommer. Kroppene våre sier at du tenkte? Livet vi visste var veldig forskjellig fra det vi trodde vi var. Vi prøver virkelig å opprettholde et visst utseende av hva vi tror ting kan være. Men ingen, ingen er forberedt på livet vi lever. Vi vil fortsette å forsøke å opprettholde planene vi har etablert, men vær så snill å ikke bli sint og ikke dømme om de endres, men vi sliter med å opprettholde et “normalt” liv, som er trukket tilbake. Hva har vi igjen? Nå er alt vi kan gjøre, være positiv, ydmyk og fremfor alt tålmodig med oss selv.
Ta deg tid til oss, ta deg tid til å sørge med oss, ta deg tid til å tenke, ta deg tid til å lære med oss, hva er vår nye normalitet. Og viktigst, ta et minutt å fokusere på oss selv, hva som fungerer for oss og hva som gjør oss lykkelige. Lær å leve dette nye livet, lær å sette pris på hva vi fortsatt kan leve og elske hver dag. Ta det en dag av gangen, lev fra en dag til den neste, fra time til time eller minutt til minutt. Lær å sette pris på hva vi fortsatt kan leve og elske hver dag. Ta det en dag av gangen, lev fra en dag til den neste, fra time til time eller minutt til minutt. Lær å sette pris på hva vi fortsatt kan leve og elske hver dag.
Embrace hva du har og lære å leve og elske livet som du kan!
Takk for at du leser!
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