Fibromyalgi dödar mig långsamt. Ta del av mig, min styrka, min stolthet och min själ.
Diagnosen fibromyalgi är dödsstraffet, så det var en gång ett normalt liv. Jag har bott med det i sju år och jag har inte klarat det jag hade planerat, jag borde förbereda mig för att studera utomlands i ett år. Jag borde tala flytande på ett annat språk. Efter att ha tillbringat natten med vänner borde jag ha en baksmälla varje söndag, i stället stannar jag i sängen hela dagen, varje dag. Eller jag stannar på soffan. Jag går till någon annans hus och ligger på sängen eller på soffan. Fibromyalgi är en svärd, svartsjuk fiende.
Han är alltid där för att försöka besegra mig. Det är som skurken i en gammal tyst film. Istället för att allmänheten vet att skurken är där och huvudpersonen inte inser, är jag i detta fall den enda som kan se den och min publik är blind.
Det är som om min fysiska och emotionella styrka bestod av små explosioner. Varje olycka tar dig borta från dig. Jag vet inte hur länge det tar innan allt i mig kollapsar. Fibromyalgi har eliminerat grunden, som jag har byggt i över tjugo år och har levt hela mitt liv. Jag känner mig som ett Jenga-spel , varje gång Fibromyalgi träffar mig , ska jag ta ett steg till att falla till marken. Kanske kraschade jag redan och slog. Kanske är jag i bakgrunden. Om jag inte visste hur det var så skulle jag säga att det är förmodligen där. Det är det lägsta jag tror att det kan vara. Jag kunde känna den mest intensiva smärtan jag har haft och min fibromyalgi anser det vara en utmaning eftersom jag vet att det blir värre nästa gång. Vissa utbrott är bättre än andra, men de testa min fysiska och emotionella styrka mer än jag kunde ha föreställt mig förut. Fibromyalgi är inte en imaginär ursäkt, jag skulle aldrig ha valt det här livet för mig själv, och om jag hade möjlighet att bli av med demonen som stöder mig, skulle jag göra det utan tvekan. Det är mitt liv Det är verkligt Det här är jag, jag är och kommer att vara med mig vid varje ögonblick av dagen, för resten av mitt liv. Djävulen viskade i mitt öra igår: “Du är inte stark nog för att motstå stormen.” Idag har jag viskade i hans öra djävulen: “Jag är stormen” . Jag är en krigare av fibromyalgi. jessica stredd pudicombe
Det finns också nätter som detta, där jag känner mig vilse. Förlorade i känslor, i tankar, i smärta och i vad som kommer att komma. Vi förstår helt upp och ner av våra känslor, glada i en minut, då arg, då ledsen, sedan nervös, då etc., etc. Det är en berg-och dalbana av upp och ner. Lägg till andra kroniska sjukdomar och det är helvete! Människan, kvinnan, bördan av kroniska sjukdomar gör att vår värld faller. Ibland känner vi att sakerna är under kontroll. Vi har kommit överens med vår verklighet, vi vet att saker aldrig kommer att bli som tidigare och vi anpassar oss och lär oss att leva med vad vårt liv har blivit. Men ibland, ibland, uppträder verkligheten av det som kommer och segrar över våra liv. Vi vet att vårt liv, som vi visste det, aldrig kommer att bli detsamma igen.
Det liv som vi en gång haft, har förstörts av denna perversa kraft som dikterar vad vi gör och vad vi inte kan göra. Det finns bra och dåliga dagar, upp och ner, upp och ner. Vi brukade se och planera framtiden, eller leva i nutiden med de vi älskar. Nu, vad består det av? Inget sätt! Planerna vi gjorde med vänner, ja, kanske är det en annan gång. Festen med vår familj kommer att ge mina hälsningar. Att göra planer är som vilket spel som helst på mässan, det är oförutsägbart. Vi vill ha mer än någonting för att vara en del av alla planer som har utvecklats, men vi kan inte garantera någonting, vi vill verkligen vara en del av vad våra familjer gör. Vi vill kunna göra planer och följa dem. Vi vill jobba, vi vill lämna, vi vill vara en del av den värld där vi en gång var involverade. Ibland måste vi säga nej,
Vi kan säga nej, inte idag. Andra gånger kommer vi att säga ja, vi kommer att fortsätta med planerna, vi försöker vara en del av livet, för en gång, åtminstone kan vi låtsas och säga att det var roligt, det var bra att lämna den. Men imorgon kommer. Våra kroppar säger att du trodde? Livet vi visste var väldigt annorlunda än vad vi trodde vi var. Vi försöker verkligen hålla ett visst utseende på vad vi tycker att saker kan vara. Men ingen, ingen är beredda för livet vi lever. Vi fortsätter att försöka upprätthålla de planer vi har fastställt, men var snäll och bli inte arg och inte döma om de förändras, men vi kämpar för att upprätthålla ett “normalt” liv som har dragits tillbaka. Vad har vi kvar? Nu kan vi bara vara positiva, ödmjuka och framför allt vara tålmodiga med oss själva.
Ta tid för oss, ta dig tid att lugna med oss, ta dig tid att tänka, ta dig tid att lära oss, vad är vår nya normala. Och viktigast av allt, ta en minut att fokusera på oss själva, vad som fungerar för oss och vad som gör oss lyckliga. Lär dig att leva det här nya livet, lär dig att uppskatta vad vi fortfarande kan leva och älska varje dag. Ta det en dag i taget, leva från en dag till en annan, från timme till timme eller minut till minut. Lär dig att uppskatta vad vi fortfarande kan leva och älska varje dag. Ta det en dag i taget, leva från en dag till en annan, från timme till timme eller minut till minut. Lär dig att uppskatta vad vi fortfarande kan leva och älska varje dag.
Omhänder vad du har och lär dig att leva och älska livet som du kan!
Tack för att du läste!
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