Se você não me conhece bem o suficiente ou faz parte da minha família, é possível que em algumas ocasiões você tenha pensado que estou fingindo estar doente.
Talvez você pense que você não pode estar continuamente cansado ou que é impossível alguém viver com dores constantes e eu gostaria que fosse o caso e eu, como muitas outras pessoas, não o experimentasse na primeira pessoa, fingindo estar bem para nossa família e conhecidos,
fingindo estar bem para ir para o trabalho todos os dias até mesmo uma tortura brutal e só podemos cumprir nossas obrigações pílulas inchadas e analgésicos, arrastando-nos com dificuldade para quando finalmente chegar em casa não pode se mover ou a dor intensa e insuportável e exaustão extenuante a partir do qual nunca nos recuperamos.
Mas, apesar de tudo, não tenho escolha a não ser agir como se estivesse bem.
É muito mais fácil fingir e tentar me fazer ver que estou bem, porque dessa forma eu não tenho que me defender. Eu não tenho que explicar para alguém que viver em constante e constante dor é possível.
Tampouco preciso voltar a enumerar sintomas para alguém que não tenha interesse algum. Eu não tenho que justificar a fadiga implacável. Eu não tenho que explicar porque eu não vou ao gym ou ao pool como antes. Eu gostaria de estar bem, mas não estou.
Eu não entendo muito bem porque eu sinto que tenho que fingir estar bem quando é o oposto. Por que a opinião dos outros é tão importante? Por que não me importo com o que eles pensam?
Estou cansado, muito cansado de tentar explicar como realmente estou, expliquei isso a familiares e amigos que não entenderam minha realidade diária, até falei para médicos que me olharam com descrença e me disseram que o que eu Diga Não é possível, que exacerbarei os sintomas.
Alguns sim, graças a Deus, mas não a maioria, e talvez seja por isso que desenvolvi grandes habilidades como ator em um papel que nunca pedi para me tocar.
É uma loucura, mas às vezes me sinto como um criminoso continuamente julgado por pessoas que não sabem nada sobre mim ou minha vida e antes deste mundo é melhor fingir que pessoas que mal te conhecem ou sabem alguma coisa sobre você não começam a lhe dar conselhos. O que você deve fazer sem ter a menor idéia ou acreditar que você sabe melhor do que eu como eu sou e o que me afeta ou não.
Mesmo que isso me custe, eu sempre tento ser legal quando alguém me pergunta como eu estou indo. Essa é uma pergunta que às vezes quase me faz explodir de raiva porque eu não posso dizer a verdade, mas eu me detenho e tento desviar o tópico ou tentar resolvê-lo com um curto “estou bem”.
Eu poderia dizer “hoje eu consegui sair da cama sem ajuda” ou “Eu tenho feito algo melhor por alguns dias quando a dor está me dando um tempo” ou “esta semana está sendo um inferno porque eu vou através de uma crise ”,
Mas isso levaria a ter que justificar meu estado novamente, ter que explicar por que me sinto assim, e provavelmente não vou acreditar, então a resposta nunca é a verdade.
Eu gostaria de parar de fingir que me sinto bem e mostrar meu verdadeiro estado, eu gostaria que aqueles que me pedissem o fizessem com um interesse real em meu estado e não ver ou ouvir como os outros suspeitam que estou mentindo quando eu lhes digo qual É o meu estado real.
Você sente a necessidade de fingir que está bem quando não é assim? Você gostaria de mudar isso?
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