Estou tão doente de estar doente

Estou tão cansada de estar doente e cansada e sem saber o que fazer sobre isso. Sinto-me escorregando para aquele buraco negro de depressão clínica e estou lutando tanto. Estou com medo de ficar tão mal novamente, eu não acho que eu poderia sobreviver. Eu estou sempre doente no meu estômago, estou sempre com dor e agora estou passando por retirada desses malditos patches que eu comecei a tomar, porque eles deveriam ser a resposta para a dor e agora eles se tornaram

mais do problema.Quando estou sozinho tudo o que faço é chorar. Não sinto que seja bom para ninguém.

Minha mãe teve um ataque de apendicite e cirurgia e eu não poderia estar lá porque eu tinha acabado de tomar meus remédios para dormir. Eu fui por um tempo ontem e fiquei o tempo que pude. Minha filha está indo para uma clínica especializada em Indiannapolis e eu vou cuidar dos meus três netos e ela está preocupada que eu não vou poder e secretamente eu também, mas eu disse a ela entre todos nós seremos capazes de lidar esta.

Eu me sinto tão sozinha e culpada por estar doente e ser um fardo para todos. Eu olho para fotos do meu passado, e eu costumava pensar quão jovem eu parecia ou quão magra eu era ou quão bonita eu costumava ser e agora tudo que eu consigo lembrar quando eu olho para as mesmas fotos é como eu era saudável e eu estava dor livre e capaz de fazer muito e agora eu não posso.

Eu iria a um psiquiatra se achasse que eles poderiam ajudar, mas tudo sobre o que eles querem falar é minha infância e toda essa porcaria. Não é o passado com o qual estou tendo problemas, é o agora e o futuro e ambos olham

tão sombrio. Eu também fico muito deprimido no inverno e sinto que é pior este ano do que nunca. Triste

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