I am so tired of being sick and tired and not knowing what to do about it. I feel myself slipping into that black hole of clinical depression and I’m fighting it so hard. I’m scared of getting that bad again,I don’t think i could survive it. I’m always sick at my stomach,I’m always in pain and now I’m going through withdrawal from these damn patches which I started taking because they were supposed to be the answer to the pain and now they have become
more of the problem.When I’m alone all I do is cry. I don’t feel I am any good for anyone.
My mom had an appendicitis attack and surgery and i couldn’t be there because I had just taken my sleeping meds. I went for awhile yesterday and stayed as long as I could. My daughter is going to a specialty clinic in Indiannapolis and i will be taking care of my 3 grandchildren and she’s worried I won’t be able to and secretly so am I,but I told her between all of us we will be abe to handle this.
I just feel so alone and guilty for being sick and such a burden to all. I look at pictures from my past,and I used to think how young I looked or how thin I was or how pretty I used to be and now all I can remember when I look at the same pictures is how healthy I was and I was pain free and able to do so much and now I can’t.
I would go to a shrink if I thought they could help,but all they want to talk about is my childhood and all that crap. It’s not the past I’m having trouble with, it’s the now and the future and they both look
so bleak. I also get very depressed in the winter and I feel that it’s worse this year than ever.