Fibromyalgie – Der Teufel an meiner Schulter

Nach und nach tötet mich das Fibro. Es braucht mir Stücke, meine Kraft, meinen Stolz und meine Seele. Eine Diagnose von Fibromyalgie ist ein Todesurteil für ein normales Leben. Ich lebte sieben Jahre bei ihr und habe immer noch die Trauer um das Leben, die ich hätte haben sollen. Ich sollte mich jetzt auf ein Auslandsjahr vorbereiten. Ich sollte fließend eine andere Sprache sprechen. Ich sollte jeden Sonntag einen Kater haben, nachdem ich eine Nacht mit Freunden verbracht hatte.

Stattdessen gehe ich den ganzen Tag zu Bett. Oder leg dich auf die Couch. Oder ich gehe zu einem anderen Haus und gehe ins Bett oder ins Bett. Fibro ist ein geschworener Feind, ein eifersüchtiger Freund. Er ist immer da und versucht mich jedes Mal mitzunehmen. Er ist wie der Böse in einem alten Stummfilm. Er ist ein Mann mit überkreuzten Schnurrbart, einem gestreiften Pullover und einem Mantel, der humorvoll hinter mir herrutscht. Er glaubt, dass das Verstecken hinter einem Ast eines Baums ihn unsichtbar macht.

Aber es ist wieder das Gegenteil. 
Anstatt der Öffentlichkeit zu wissen, dass der Bösewicht da ist und der Protagonist bewusstlos ist, kann ich ihn nur sehen und mein Publikum ist blind. Fibrose für meine körperliche und seelische Kraft. Jeder Rückschlag bringt mich ein bisschen. Ich weiß nicht, wie lange es dauern wird, bis alles zerbröckelt. Fibro hat meine Fundamente entfernt.

Die Basen habe ich seit zwanzig Jahren auf dieser Erde aufgebaut. Ich fühle mich als Teil von Jenga, jedes Mal, wenn der Fibro schlägt, nähere ich mich dem Boden. Vielleicht bin ich schon gefallen und verbrannt. Vielleicht ist es der Boden des Steins. Wenn ich nicht wusste, was die Faser ist, würde ich sagen, dass es wahrscheinlich so ist. Es ist das Mindeste, was ich könnte, oder das Niedrigste, was ich denke. Aber ich kann diesem Fluch nicht so sehr trauen.

Ich konnte die schlimmsten Schmerzen spüren, die ich je hatte, und mein Fibroblast ist eine Herausforderung, weil das nächste Mal schlimmer wird. Einige Ausbrüche sind besser als andere, aber andere testen meine körperliche und emotionale Stärke mehr, als ich mir je hätte vorstellen können. Fibromyalgie ist keine imaginäre Ausrede.

Ich hätte dieses Leben niemals für mich gewählt und wenn ich die Gelegenheit hätte, mich von dem Dämon zu befreien, der mich zurückgehalten hat, würde ich es ohne zu zögern tun. Es ist mein Leben. Es ist wirklich. Ich bin es und es ist und wird für den Rest meines Lebens für jeden Moment des Tages bei mir sein.

Der Teufel 

flüsterte er in sein Ohr 

“Sie sind nicht stark genug, um dem Sturm zu widerstehen” 

Heute flüsterte ich dem Teufel ins Ohr 

“Ich bin der Sturm” 

Ich bin ein Krieger der Fibromyalgie

Roller Coaster Fibromyalgia: Soul Search – Wohin kann ich jetzt gehen?

Jessica Stredd Pudicombe Außerdem gibt es Nächte wie heute Nacht, in denen ich mich verloren fühle. In Emotionen verloren, in Gedanken versunken, in Schmerzen verloren und verloren, was ihn erwartet. Für die Frauen von uns verstehen wir das Auf und Ab unserer Gefühle, eine Minute lang glücklich, dann wütend, dann traurig, dann nervös usw. Sie sind viele Höhen und Tiefen. Fügen Sie chronischen Krankheiten und Hölle hinzu, wohin gehen wir von dort?!?! Mann, Frau, die Last chronischer Krankheiten stört unsere Welt. Manchmal haben wir das Gefühl, dass die Dinge unter Kontrolle sind. Wir haben unsere Realität akzeptiert, wir wissen, dass die Dinge nie so sein werden, wie sie waren, und wir passen uns an und lernen, mit unserem Leben zu leben. Aber manchmal überwindet die Realität von dem, was uns erwartet, manchmal unsere Realität.

Das Leben, das wir einmal kannten, wurde von dieser bösen Kraft zerstört, die bestimmt, was wir tun und was wir nicht können. Es unterbricht den emotionalen Zustand, den wir mit diesem neuen Leben erhofft hatten. Es gibt gute und schlechte Tage, Höhen und Tiefen, Höhen und Tiefen. Wir sahen die Zukunft und den Plan für die Zukunft oder lebten mit denen, die wir liebten, in der Gegenwart. Was ist nun konsequent? Nichts! Die Pläne, die wir mit Freunden gemacht haben, vielleicht ein anderes Mal. Die Party mit unserer Familie, ich werde alle meine Grüße geben. Planen ist wie das Zielspiel auf der Show. Wir wollen mehr als alles andere Teil eines jeden Projekts sein, aber wir können nichts garantieren.

Wir möchten wirklich Teil unserer Familienprojekte sein, wir wollen Projekte umsetzen und respektieren. Wir wollen arbeiten, wir wollen ausgehen, wir wollen Teil der Welt sein, in die wir involviert sind.

Manchmal können wir nein sagen, einen Schritt zurückgehen und respektieren, was unser Körper uns sagt. Wir können nur sagen, nein, heute nicht. Zu anderen Zeiten, sagen wir ja, wir folgen den Plänen, wir versuchen einmal Teil des Lebens zu sein, wir können zumindest so tun und sagen, dass es Spaß gemacht hat, es war schön, auszugehen. Aber morgen kommt es. Unsere Körper sagen, was haben Sie gedacht? Das Leben, das wir einmal kannten, war so anders als wir dachten. Wir versuchen wirklich, einen Eindruck davon zu erhalten, was wir für möglich gehalten haben. Aber niemand, niemand kann sich auf dieses Leben vorbereiten, das wir leben. Wir werden weiterhin versuchen, die von uns gemachten Pläne beizubehalten, dürfen aber nicht erhöhen oder urteilen, wenn sich etwas ändert.

Wir kämpfen um ein “normales” Leben, aber es wurde unter unseren Füßen entfernt. Was bleibt Von dort aus können wir nur noch positiv sein, demütig sein und vor allem geduldig mit uns selbst sein. Nehmen Sie sich Zeit für uns, nehmen Sie sich Zeit zu weinen, nehmen Sie sich Zeit zum Nachdenken, nehmen Sie sich Zeit, um unsere neue Normalität zu lernen. Und am wichtigsten, nehmen Sie sich eine Minute Zeit, um sich auf das zu konzentrieren, was für uns funktioniert und was uns glücklich macht. Lerne, dieses neue Leben zu leben, lerne zu schätzen, was wir jeden Tag noch leben und lieben können. Nehmen Sie es einen Tag auf einmal, leben Sie von Tag zu Tag, von Stunde zu Stunde oder Minute für Minute. Umfassen Sie, was Sie haben und lernen Sie, das Leben so zu leben, wie Sie können! Seele

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