Fibromyalgie – De duivel op mijn schouder

Beetje bij beetje doodt de fibro mij. Het kost me stukken, mijn kracht, mijn trots en mijn ziel. Een diagnose van fibromyalgie is een doodvonnis voor een normaal leven. Ik heb zeven jaar met haar geleefd en ik heb nog steeds de rouw om het leven die ik had moeten hebben. Ik moet me nu voorbereiden om een ​​jaar in het buitenland te studeren. Ik zou vloeiend een andere taal moeten spreken. Ik zou elke zondag een kater moeten hebben na een nacht met vrienden te hebben doorgebracht.

In plaats daarvan ga ik de hele dag naar bed. Of ga op de bank liggen. Of ik ga naar het huis van iemand anders en ga naar bed of naar bed. Fibro is een gezworen vijand, een jaloerse vriend. Hij is er altijd en probeert me altijd bij te staan. Hij is als de slechterik in een oude stomme film. Hij is een man met een schuine snor, een gestreepte trui en een mantel die met humor achter me glijdt, die denkt dat zich verbergen achter een tak van een boom het onzichtbaar maakt.

Maar nogmaals, het is het tegenovergestelde. 
In plaats van het publiek, wetend dat de schurk daar is en de hoofdrolspeler bewusteloos is, kan ik hem alleen zien en mijn publiek is blind. Fibrose voor mijn fysieke en emotionele kracht. Elke tegenslag brengt me een beetje. Ik weet niet hoe lang het zal duren tot alles instort. Fibro heeft mijn fundamenten verwijderd.

De bases die ik al twintig jaar op deze aarde bouw. Ik voel me een deel van Jenga, elke keer dat de fibro toeslaat, bereik ik de grond. Misschien ben ik al gevallen en verbrand. Misschien is het de bodem van de steen. Als ik niet wist wat de vezel was, zou ik zeggen dat het waarschijnlijk zo is. Het is het minste wat ik zou kunnen zijn, of het laagste wat ik denk dat ik zou kunnen zijn. Maar ik kan die vloek niet zo veel vertrouwen.

Ik voelde de ergste pijn die ik ooit heb gehad en mijn fibroblast is een uitdaging omdat de volgende keer erger zal zijn. Sommige uitbraken zijn beter dan andere, maar anderen testen mijn fysieke en emotionele kracht meer dan ik me ooit had kunnen voorstellen. Fibromyalgie is geen denkbeeldig excuus.

Ik zou dit leven nooit voor mezelf hebben gekozen en als ik de gelegenheid had om mezelf te bevrijden van de demon die me tegenhield, zou ik het zonder aarzeling doen. Het is mijn leven Het is echt Het is mij en het is en zal bij mij zijn voor elk moment van de dag voor de rest van mijn leven.

De duivel 

fluisterde hij in zijn oor 

“Je bent niet sterk genoeg om de storm te weerstaan”

Vandaag fluisterde ik in de oren van de duivel 

“Ik ben de storm” 

Ik ben een krijger van fibromyalgie

Roller Coaster Fibromyalgia: Soul Search – Waar kan ik nu heen?

Jessica Stredd Pudicombe Plus, er zijn nachten zoals vanavond dat ik me verloren voel. Verloren van emotie, verloren in gedachten, verloren van pijn en verloren in wat hem te wachten staat. Voor degenen onder ons vrouwen, we begrijpen perfect de ups en downs van onze emoties, gelukkig voor een minuut, dan boos, dan verdrietig, dan nerveus, etc. Het zijn veel ups en downs. Voeg toe aan chronische ziekten en de hel, waar gaan we vandaar?!?! Man, vrouw, de last van chronische ziekten maakt onze wereld van streek. Soms voelen we dat dingen onder controle zijn. We hebben onze realiteit aanvaard, we weten dat dingen nooit zullen zijn wat ze waren en we passen ons aan en leren leven met onze levens. Maar soms overwint de realiteit van wat ons te wachten staat soms onze realiteit.

Het leven dat we ooit kenden was vernietigd door deze kwade kracht die bepaalt wat we wel en niet kunnen doen. Het verstoort de emotionele toestand die we hoopten te hebben met dit nieuwe leven. Er zijn goede en slechte dagen, hoogtepunten en dieptepunten, ups en downs. We zagen de toekomst en het plan voor de toekomst of we leefden in het heden met degenen die we liefhadden. Wat is consistent? Niets! De plannen die we met vrienden hebben gemaakt, misschien een andere keer. Het feest met onze familie, nou, ik zal al mijn groeten doen. Plannen maken is net als het doelspel op de show. We willen meer dan wat dan ook als onderdeel van elk project dat is gedaan, maar we kunnen niets garanderen.

We willen echt deel uitmaken van onze familieprojecten, we willen projecten kunnen implementeren en respecteren. We willen werken, we willen uitgaan, we willen deel uitmaken van de wereld waarin we betrokken zijn geweest.

Soms kunnen we nee zeggen, een stap achteruit doen en respecteren wat ons lichaam ons vertelt. We kunnen alleen maar zeggen, nee, niet vandaag. Andere keren, zeg ja, we volgen de plannen, we proberen deel uit te maken van het leven, voor een keer kunnen we op zijn minst doen alsof en zeggen dat het leuk was, het was leuk om uit te gaan. Maar morgen komt eraan. Onze lichamen zeggen wat vond je ervan? Het leven dat we ooit kenden was zo anders dan we dachten. We proberen echt de schijn te wekken van wat we dachten dat de dingen zouden kunnen zijn. Maar niemand, niemand kan zich voorbereiden op dit leven dat we leven. We zullen blijven proberen de plannen die we hebben gemaakt te behouden, maar we verhogen of oordelen niet of deze verandert.

We worstelen om een ​​”normaal” leven te behouden, maar het is onder onze voeten verwijderd. Wat blijft er over? Van daaruit is alles wat we kunnen doen positief, nederig en vooral geduldig met onszelf. Neem de tijd voor ons, neem de tijd om te huilen, neem de tijd om na te denken, neem de tijd om onze nieuwe normaliteit te leren. En nog belangrijker, neem even de tijd om te focussen op wat voor ons werkt en wat ons gelukkig maakt. Leer dit nieuwe leven te leven, leer waarderen wat we nog steeds kunnen leven en van elke dag houden. Neem het elke dag, leef van dag tot dag, van uur tot uur of van minuut tot minuut. Omarm wat je hebt en leer te leven en hou van het leven als je kunt! ziel

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