Une lettre ouverte au mari d’une femme atteinte de fibromyalgie

Por: Michelle Matthews

Cher mari,

Vous ne pouvez pas me réparer, mais vous ne pouvez pas guérir ma fibromyalgie, pas plus que les médecins. Nous avons enquêté jusqu’à ce que nos yeux se soient croisés. Vous m’avez soutenu dans tous mes changements alimentaires et avez exercé avec moi. Tu m’as embrassé quand j’ai pleuré de douleur, de colère et de frustration. Je sais que tu m’aimes et c’est pourquoi je t’envoie cette lettre.

Il est temps que tu arrêtes d’essayer de me réparer. Vous ne pouvez pas réparer la fibromyalgie et vous ne pouvez pas arrêter ma douleur chronique.

Je te le dis parce que je t’aime. Parce que je vois la douleur et la frustration sur votre visage chaque fois que nous essayons quelque chose de différent et que cela n’aide pas. Je regarde la lueur excitée dans tes yeux mourir chaque fois qu’un autre remède ne me réconforte pas et je ne peux plus le voir.

Nous avons eu la relation pour laquelle la plupart des gens ont prié, nos marathons ont duré jusqu’aux petites heures du matin. Maintenant, j’ai de la chance si je vois le 10 p. M., je suis généralement au lit pour 9. Un câlin est quelque chose qui est seulement tolérable dans mes meilleurs jours. Ma peau est tellement hypersensible que même les vêtements me donnent une pause, le calage est trop fort. Je souhaite que tu aies vraiment compris que ce n’est pas toi, c’est vraiment moi quand je te rejette. Vous êtes toujours aussi attirant que je l’ai toujours été, je passe juste une mauvaise journée, une mauvaise semaine ou un mauvais mois.

Notre spontanéité a maintenant été remplacée par de nombreux projets que je déteste, je le sais. Je dois le faire pour avoir l’énergie nécessaire pour faire les autres choses que je dois faire. Chaque jour, je vis avec des élections qui, je le sais, auront un impact direct sur ce que je ressens le lendemain. J’adorerais rester tard avec vous, regarder la télé, me blottir sur le canapé et prendre notre temps. Si je le fais, puis-je me lever le lendemain matin et emmener les enfants à l’école ou devrais-je manquer une autre réunion pour le faire pour moi?

Je veux être capable de tout faire pour vous, être tout pour vous et la plupart du temps je n’y parviens pas malgré mes meilleurs efforts. Les jours où je dois commander à nouveau des mets à emporter pour préparer un dîner sain pour mes enfants, je me sens moins mère. Je déteste voir la déception dans leurs visages quand ils me demandent de jouer avec eux et physiquement je ne peux pas. Vivre avec la fibromyalgie et la douleur chronique me fait sentir moins de tout parce que je n’ai de place que pour la douleur.

Je ne sais pas ce que c’est de marcher dans vos chaussures. Pour voir comment une personne que vous aimez doit faire face chaque jour à la douleur, sachant qu’il n’y a rien que vous puissiez faire. Je pense que ça doit ressembler à un enfer dont tu ne peux pas échapper, mais au moins on est ensemble. C’est ce que je ressens pendant mes plus mauvaises semaines, comme un enfer dont je ne peux tout simplement pas échapper. Ma famille est mon espoir Ce qui rend mieux c’est de te voir et les enfants sourient. Vous êtes la raison pour laquelle j’appuie quand je veux me rendre. Parce que je sais que même dans cette obscurité, il y a de la lumière.

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