Je suis si malade d’être malade

Je suis si fatigué d’être malade et fatigué et ne sachant pas quoi faire à ce sujet. Je me sens glisser dans ce trou noir de dépression clinique et je me bats si fort. J’ai peur de recommencer, je ne pense pas pouvoir survivre. Je suis toujours malade au ventre, j’ai toujours mal et maintenant je suis en train de me retirer de ces foutues plaques que j’ai commencé à prendre parce qu’elles étaient supposées être la réponse à la douleur et maintenant elles sont devenues

plus du problème. Quand je suis seul tout ce que je fais est pleurer. Je ne sens pas que je sois bon pour quelqu’un.

Ma mère a eu une crise d’appendicite et une opération chirurgicale et je ne pouvais pas être là parce que je venais de prendre mes médicaments pour dormir. Je suis allé pendant un certain temps hier et je suis resté aussi longtemps que possible. Ma fille va à une clinique spécialisée à Indiannapolis et je vais prendre soin de mes 3 petits-enfants et elle est inquiète je ne serai pas capable de le faire secrètement et moi aussi, mais je lui ai dit entre nous que nous serons à gérer ce.

Je me sens tellement seul et coupable d’être malade et d’être un fardeau pour tous. Je regarde des photos de mon passé, et je pensais à quel point j’étais jeune ou mince et combien tout ce dont je me souvenais quand je regardais les mêmes images était de savoir à quel point j’étais en bonne santé et j’étais sans douleur et capable de faire tellement et maintenant je ne peux pas.

J’irais voir un psy si je pensais qu’ils pourraient aider, mais tout ce dont ils veulent parler, c’est mon enfance et toute cette merde. Ce n’est pas le passé avec lequel je suis en difficulté, c’est le présent et le futur et ils ont l’air tous les deux

si triste. Je suis aussi très déprimé en hiver et je sens que c’est pire cette année que jamais. Triste

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