FIBROMIALGIA:No estoy fingiendo estar enfermo, en realidad finjo estar bien

Si no me conoces bastante bien o formas parte de mi familia, es posible que en algunas ocasiones hayas llegado a pensar que estoy fingiendo estar enfermo.

Quizá pienses que no se puede estar cansado continuamente o que es imposible que alguien viva con dolores constantes y ojalá fuese así y yo al igual que otras muchas personas no lo viviesemos en primera persona fingiendo estar bien para nuestra familia y conocidos,

fingiendo estar bien para ir a trabajar cada día aunque sea una tortura brutal y solo podamos medio cumplir con nuestras obligaciones hinchados a pastillas y calmantes, arrastrándonos a duras penas para cuando por fín llegamos a casa no poder ni movernos del intenso e insufrible dolor y de un agotamiento extenuante del que jamás nos recuperamos.

Pero a pesar de todo no me queda más remedio que actuar como si estuviese bien.

Es mucho más fácil fingir e intentar hacer ver que estoy bien porque así no tengo que defenderme. No tengo que explicar a alguien que vivir en un dolor continuo y constante es posible.

Ni tengo que volver a ennumerar síntomas a alguien que no siente ningún interés. No tengo que justificar una fatiga implacable. No tengo que explicar porque no voy al gimnasio o a la piscina como antes. Me gustaría estar bien, pero no lo estoy.

No entiendo muy bien por que siento que tengo que fingir estar bien cuando es todo lo contrario. ¿Por qué importa tanto la opinión de los demás?, ¿por qué no me da igual lo que piensen?.

Estoy cansado, muy cansado de intentar explicar como estoy de verdad, lo he explicado a familiares y amigos que no han entendido mi realidad diaria, incluso lo he contado a médicos que me han mirado con cara de incredulidad y me han dicho que eso que cuento no es posible, que exajero los síntomas.

Agunos si, gracias a Dios pero no la mayoría y quizá sea por eso que he desarrollado grandes habilidades como actor de un papel que jamás pedí que me tocara.

Es de locos, pero a veces me siento como un delincuente juzgado continuamente por personas que no saben nada de mi ni de mi vida y ante este mundo lo mejor es fingir para que personas que apenas te conocen ni saben nada de ti no comiencen a darte consejos sobre lo que debes hacer sin tener la más mínima idea o crean saber mejor que yo como me encuentro y que me afecta o no.

Aunque me cueste, siempre intento ser amable cuando alguien me pregunta como me encuentro. Esa es una pregunta que a veces casi me hace estallar de rabia por no poder decir la verdad, pero me contengo y trato de desviar el tema o intento zanjarlo con un corto “estoy bien”.

Podría decir “hoy he conseguido levantarme de la cama sin ayuda” o “llevo unos días algo mejor en los que el dolor me está dando un respiro” o “esta semana está siendo un infierno porque estoy pasando una crisis”,

pero esto llevaría a tener que justificar de nuevo mi estado, a tener que dar explicaciones de porque me encuentro así a quién seguramente no me va a creer, así que la respuesta nunca es la verdad.

Me gustaría poder dejar de fingir que me encuentro bien y poder mostrar mi verdadero estado, me gustaría que quienes me preguntan, lo hiciesen con un interés real en mi estado y no ver o escuchar siempre como los demás sospechan que estoy mintiendo cuando les cuento cual es mi estado real.

¿Tu sientes la necesidad de fingir que estás bien cuando no es así? ¿Te gustaría cambiar eso?

Si te ha sido útil, comenta y comparte. ¡Gacias! 🙂

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